love

'love' is a big word.

we first learned of its spelling and what it's about from fairytales, tv dramas and songs... the special bond between man and woman. but even before we knew that it is spelled L-O-V-E... all of us were already in touch with the word since the day we first opened our eyes to this world... that between parents and children, brothers and sisters. we learned to care and look after each other... and how we used to draw those colourful cards and messages on special days or to cheer up someone.

and all around me, people are in love!

romance between the opposite genders... that attraction or for some, an affinity. that special chemistry. there are people who are looking for love and people who are waiting for love. and when you opened that little doors to your heart, it's not that hard to fall in love! when asked for the reason that attracted someone to their partner, how many people avoided that question in a cliche way, 'it's hard to explain love...' there must be at least a single reason why... if you bother to ask yourself the question. it may seem silly or foolish to explain love but it's all in yourself... it's who you are that makes what partner you have.

the day I learned of Valentine's and it happened to be the day I was born... I could have brushed it aside as pure coincidence or rather not, I thought of its significance that perhaps I have a mission... to spread the message of love... that between man and woman, parents and children, brothers and sisters, friends, humans and humans. to me, its meaning has to be cherishing bonds and finding happiness.

and my achievement so far? we'll see...

love... what a beautiful way to conclude the year.

finding peace

never confront a friend when you are angry or never write a letter when you are in a bad mood. heard that umpteen times and it's so applicable... I almost did at least one of the above before and yes... the previous blog I wrote, I have a huge urge to delete it right away cos I don't feel my frustrations anymore... at least for now.

well well, at all beauty pageants... we heard the two big words "world peace". those are still pretty empty words now. what I really want is to find peace with myself. not a good selection of phrase either for that can sound like an absolute but I don't mean it that way. it's like humans being humans, we find faults with many things... but the root of it all, we found fault with ourselves. discontentment being a very good reason. and to be simple in life is just to stay contented! and that doesn't sounds too easy either.

I remember telling my friends that we can all have a similar purpose in life but yet what makes up and defines the purpose differs from people to people. what does a sense of security mean to someone? what does happiness mean? our different backgrounds shaped our perceptions and thus our priorities... I deemed the simplicity in life is to be happy as a person. so I seek my purpose in life... finding that purpose... working towards it and making things work out that way. my friend thinks she is simple cos she said she doesn't seek out the different way in life... she just hopes to finish the studies, get a good job, get married, etc. but ultimately, isn't that the same? all we ask for is a simple and happy life. but we see it so differently. she thinks I'm complicated when I don't seem to agree. cos I'm only asking for the same.

then how do we define simplicity in life?

my life

so what's up and about lately?

I haven't got the space to take a pause from the daily life, take a breather, a second to see myself in the reflection. had some frustrations at work, cooled down and found peace with myself and yet again, frustrated... this time with work. it's just part and parcel of working life, some ups and downs everyone faced. but for the second time, I simply can't shrug it off as a norm. it's a problem with me... can I cope? can I manage? am I right for the job or is the job right for me? struggles with a first job. as much as my friends try to comfort me that I'm new and needs time to get the hang of things, but I can no longer tolerate excuses for myself. am I dumb?

or is my inner perfectionist acting up? I have too much dignity and pride to speak of, self-centred and care too much about how I feel. I tried to shove away negativity with optimism that things will work out in the end. but even as I allow my patience to sink in, not everyone else would. some realistic assessment of the real working world.

to think that years ago, I have always wished to grow up faster and get out of that school uniform... how I used to have dreams and hopes about the future.

Now I'm in it.

I just received a note to write on my hobby, wishes for the new year. I got a little excited thinking about the wonderful things in life.

but when I got down to write, I thought those are just my hopes, wishes and ideals...

how far away are they?

no, not far... at least I took my first step.

make a wish

time to make a wish.

as the weather gets cooler each day and the rain keeps pouring throughout, we know it's december.

fanciful trees and colourful lightings adorned the streets. crowded shopping malls. busy plans for gatherings.

it's christmas.

beautiful season. a season filled with well-wishes for one another. some says a time for giving and sharing. or the romantic season for love. a time for renewal... a renewal of faith. faith in oneself, faith between people and people.

as the end of the year drew nearer and a new one is approaching, it's pretty much a time to reflect and a time to think about what's ahead.

for me, I only wanted one thing - to be stronger.

sounds like a perfect timing at the age to turn adult next year. but yes, I need to be, have to be, want to be... stronger.

it's time to grow up.

there's nothing we can't do

sounds like a motivational speech; ambitious, unrealistic and what say you?

but to think it over, it's a very simple logic in life that people just don't seem to get it in their heads. we deemed almost everything as impossible and search for alternatives. that's how the school teach us.

alternatives.

and so they told us to accommodate and compromise. and we did. slowly learning to adapt to all aspects of life. we forgot how to fight for what we want.

just do it.

life is not unpredictable. you reap what you sow. you lead yourself to what you believe in.

everyday is a bad day. you wake up, raining. it's a bad day. your boss scolds you. it's a really bad day. your work files get infected by virus and everything is destroyed. life is miserable. you get home and get into a fight with your mum. the world is so dark.

everyday is a happy day. you wake up, raining, its a cool weather. your boss scolds you. you are glad you aren't the one in the bad mood. your work files get destroyed. yes, frustrated but get on with the work and get the job done. you get home and get into a fight with your mum. you are so glad your mum loves and cares about you.

like how we always says about the glass being half filled or half empty.

if you are thirsty from a long run, you are glad that there are still half left.

if you are full from a meal, you laments that there is still half more to go.

yet we are always still divided between the two.

simple logic. you get hungry when you have not eaten. you felt pain when an insect bites. there is a pre-requisite to everything in life. cause and effect.

take the first step. take the initiative. it will only lead to where you want to be.

hesitations won't take you far.