Friday night

Cosy, relaxing was just the kind of Friday night for me.

Nothing beats great music and great friends in a great place with a great live band. This is exactly the place for a Friday night chill-out. Being in the queue for a hour and half didn't stop me and my friend from trying out the place. And I was glad it didn't. Plagued by hunger and fatigue after a day's work, like battled souls seeking comfort - never mind about the food, it was the state of worry-free that pleases and comforts me like a young girl seeking comfort in a soft toy, only that a soft toy didn't really work out for big girls now. Accompanied by pizzas and beer - nothing fancy for the palates nor for the pockets - just like having a night out in a good friend's place.

The greatest thing about the place is the company of great live music. It never fails to inject some dose of nostalgia in me with their soulful voices - calming and soothing, like cooing a crying baby to quieten down and listen with a sense of peace and tranquility.

no reservations

Once again, the baton is now in my hands.

Yes or no.

Do it or not do it.

"Something is holding you back, you need to let go," that line still lingers after our hour-long conversation. I know that for a long time, didn't I? I wish to explain, "that has become a habit, or rather, an integral of my personality". It's almost something that comes along with me - a semi-secretive, semi-extrovert, semi-introvert me - like a door left half-opened. I don't know how to explain it. I was caught in the middle, tongue-tied, at a loss of what to say. It's just me. I can't change it... (or can I?)

I find it so hard to explain myself that it's almost impossible to tell.

Prends-moi tel que je suis.

Is that an opportunity given? Cos all I feel is I have yet another choice to make... a choice which requires to see a change in me, or so they told me.

"I have to change."

If it is a habit I could change, perhaps it would be easier... all it takes is some time. If it is a marking engraved in my personality, I can't possibly erase it just like that, like it was never there.

Is it really as easy as they thought to push that door wide-open?

finding Prince Charming

"Life can take you on amazing adventures, throw you all sorts of curve balls and treat you to experiences you never dreamed possible. It can also be simple, fuss-free and fairly uneventful. No matter what kind of life you lead, one thing is for certain: all it takes is a little dose of that crazy little thing called love and you can be sent into a spin." - excerpt from 'Prince Charming; identify the guys with true prince charming potential' by Valerie Khoo & David Smiedt. (Read more...)

This is taken from the introduction chapter of the book where explains all my love theories. Since I'm into the topic of all things love, I feel obliged to dig out my little love theory which can be best explained by some of the short entries in the book titled "chemistry and fireworks", "the right kind of love", "pursue your passions", "your personal space" and "me time". And no, we are not expecting titles like "desperate for love", "weapons of seduction" just in case you are wondering.

What I loved about the concepts of finding the right man can be best taught in one line from the book - " The old cliché is that you won't find true happiness in a love relationship until you love - and accept - yourself." And that is not to encourage narcissism or vanity, but more of an inner self-love; learning to make yourself happy, fulfilled, having dreams and pursuing passions. Know what you want. The inner vanity. Only then, you will emerge as a confident, happy and fulfilled self who will then have no qualms about meeting the right man.

Finding Prince Charming = Me, myself and I

Speak of needs and weaknesses, times of insecurity and dissatisfaction - when people are more susceptible to influences akin to having a weak immune system. These are also most likely the times when we fall for the wrong guy. Just because at that moment in time, he appears to be Mr.Right... with his missing last name "at that time". It is a temporary fulfillment of what is lacking, what is missing or what is wrong with our lives. Like covering a hole you are trying to mend. What we do not know is, a dissatisfied soul has more than that one hole but many more others which will slowly emerge when the time comes. And when they start showing up, this mended hole seems less significant. The magical healing effect fades off like a pimple cream which works well the first time but loses its effectiveness as time goes by.

Is the right man, then, the one who can make up for your permanent flaw; your life-long defect which your friends and yourself already can't tell if it is your strength or your weakness, or just a part of you?

My friend then asks, "what is your permanent flaw?"

I will probably know when I meet my Prince Charming.

Tell you then.

To find him, first you have to find yourself... he will then help you to find the part of you that you never thought you could be.

finding a reason to love

Wedding gowns and silver bands, church bells and wedding vows...

This year has been a bountiful year for... marriages.

Spilling news of people tying the knot spread like melting chocolate... leaving the rest of us filled with love and hate.

Love because it's happy news and we can't help but to go aww... when deserving couples have a happy ending (or so was said). It's like watching a fairytale ending, feeling a tinge of joy, excitement and relief. Like, 'oh finally'.

Hate because we are filled with envy and jealousy at the same time (or perhaps not?) Hate it because we are still single and wondering why it takes forever to meet 'him'. Or that we are with someone but marriage never seems to be on the cards, or 'his' cards. Like, 'when's finally?"

A lovely or not-so-lovely topic that dominated the conversation on a saturday afternoon. "Why do people get married?" I asked. Or the equivalent of what began the constant chase of companionship - the so-called special bonding or relationship between 2 humans (man and woman or man and man or woman and woman)? While some thoughts started flooding my naive, innocent mind, my friend answered quickly, "because we are lonely." Immediately, I felt a sink somewhere and couldn't help but somewhat agree with her.

Ultimately, we still fall back on our basic need for a sense of belonging (after fulfilling your survival needs of food and shelter).

After all those big theories on love, it turns out that they are just fanciful covers beneath what is just a basic human, or even animal need.

Lonely?

Maybe. That probably explains that noone is wrong when it comes to love, homosexuals or not, as ultimately it's just about needing someone to stay beside you.

It still keeps me pondering about that.. is it, is it not.