Acceptance

A very enlightening excerpt from '"Have a Little Faith" written by Mitch Albom:

“When we spoke a few weeks ago, I asked you what you thought about your parents. Do you remember?”

Sort of, I say

More laughter.

“I asked if you felt they were perfect, or if they needed improvement. And do you remember what you said?”

I freeze.

“You said they weren’t perfect, but…”

He nods at me. Go ahead. Speak.

But they don’t need improvement? I say.

“But they don’t need improvement,” he says. “This is very insightful. Do you know why?”

No, I say.

More laughter.

“Because it means you are willing to accept people as they are. Nobody is perfect. Not even Mom and Dad. That’s okay.”

He smiles and puts two hands on my head.

We were brought up in a society where there is little tolerance for mistakes, failure and imperfections. 

We need to constantly improve and upgrade. We need to become better. Often, we are taught to believe that we should sought for betterment and improvement in all things - to get higher scores in school, to get a higher-paying job, to catch up with the latest technology/fashion trend, etc. The list keeps multiplying and is never ending. 

When will we ever stop improving? They say that we shouldn't. 

If we allow ourselves some leeway, stop following the crowd blindly, we may start to see that accepting who we are and what we have may be right after all. 

Can we tell ourselves that it is okay if we are not as smart, not as well-to-do financially, not as successful as the rest of them? That the strive for perfection is never going to materialise, and therefore it is a fruitless attempt that derails us from focusing on accepting what is real and right before us?

We all need to less hard on ourselves in this mad race. The tidal currents are driving us towards one endless destination, but is this ultimately where we want to end up at? 

We are all not perfect, but do we really need improvement?

Disappointed

It was difficult to accept disappointments. It struck me hard, physically and mentally, pushing me to the verge of giving up. It was not the first time I had to deal with disappointment but it was harder this time. 

Time and time again, I managed to pull through and gained conviction that a better opportunity is just ahead. This time, I had a harder time to convince myself that something better awaits. 

This was afterall a perfect fit for me. Despite the obvious challenges it posed, I was all ready to push my limits and make it work this time. When I knew that possibility of even letting me try was gone, I felt that I lost all the fighting spirit that I had built up thus far. A sense of helplessness came over me, I felt terrible inside. I just didn't know what to expect next. 

This has been a really tough year for me. I had an emotional roller coaster ride from the start of the year. It was like battling with my sanity. I felt I could lose it anytime if I let it be. I had to find a stronger willpower and the optimism to move on each time. And I did until this came to pull me down again.

I felt deeply discouraged. Life just gets harder, ain't it? 

I knew that I only have myself to depend on. And I need to regain a positive mind again, and quickly. I need to bury the pain and move on. Stop looking back and get on with it. It is difficult but necessary.

I tried to rationalise the situation and told myself that it was fortunate that I even got a chance to fight for something I truly like, not everyone else gets the same chance. Like how I did not the last time. I told myself that at least it came to wake me up when I was close to accepting something that I might not even like, and accepting an option only out of circumstance. It was a blessing in disguise. 

I know that the road ahead is not going to be easy, just like it has not been easy for the past months. It is like a vicious cycle that I am trying to break out from. I want to make a crash. I don't want things to stay status quo. I asked myself if there is something that I should change, that I need to change. Something about myself, my attitude and my beliefs. 

Everyone needs to grow up, despite whatever age we are at. I felt that I needed to grow up too. It wasn't helpful staying in the same situation and waiting for the ideal one to come. I have waited long enough. I need to take action soon.

Waiting

The wait has been long. All seems so silent yet chaotic at the same time. Often, I need to pull myself out of the frustration and resentment that have been building up quietly within. They could engulf my mind and emotions so abruptly and entirely that the level-headed side of me seems unreal. 

I read my previous post penned in April and uncannily, I am back to the same circumstance and dilemma that I was in four months ago. Again, I had the same evaluation of the choice I had to make this time. 

"Better luck this time!" I am keeping my fingers crossed very tightly. 

I hope the wait is finally over.