25

Some people call it a quarter of a century. To me, that is probably a marking stick in the middle of a lifetime. Whatever that is, it feels like a totally different stage, a phase when things should start to take a different turn.

Chapter 25.

I wonder what I'll be writing in this chapter as it already feels like a story set in a new environment.

A chapter of new beginnings.

It's like a time for flowers to blossom, for maturity to flourish. It is as if the sky is shining in a different light, requiring fresh perspectives to look at this life. What are the things that I have achieved so far and those that I haven't accomplished? What is truly important? What really matters... now?

I used to avoid questions about planning for the future as it seems too far and unreal.

Now, I gotta think about now and probably further.

Turning 25 is about the hidden pressure that comes along with it like a wrapped gift package. I call it the awful age. It is not so much about getting older and having fine lines around the eyes. Awful because it is an awkward age, a time to realise what to be and what not to be, what to do and what not to do.

It is like life has taken a different turn. It is a wake up call to many things.

Self, family and future.

Hoping that I will be much braver to endure what lies ahead and to confront what I have to face - the good and bad.

"Bon courage, gambatte, 加油!" as I quietly recite to myself :)

I will make it there.

Another new year

Finally, we ushered in another new year in the Chinese calendar.

It was as if that it is now official that we have entered into a brand new cycle of happenings for the new year. It felt like there will be a change of direction in the way things are moving this year. For me, it felt like a good change, a very positive one.

It felt great that things seem to be picking up fairly well, signalling luck and success are on their way.

I am grateful that the wait doesn't have to be that long afterall.

Though, I am just a little wary about how I am feeling about all this. A little too fast perhaps?

My anticipation came with tinge of doubts and uncertainty, which surprised and shook me a little. Is it also due to the fact that I'm entering into the next phase of my existence soon that I am wary about my next step and how it might affect my future? I never seem to enjoy planning too far ahead but somehow it just dawned on me that I might need to take a step back and look at the big picture again.

Where am I heading to?

Similarly, I didn't have the same faith with regards to meeting that someone, not to mention meeting the right one but just someone that I could see myself living with.

Where did that sense of positivity suddenly go to?

Am I doing it right?