low

I never felt this low before. It was like they say, "it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all". In my case, it doesn't apply to a relationship but a job. I never thought that I would feel this awful, this uneasy about letting it go completely. I did toy with the idea for umpteen times when things are not getting anywhere but somehow I always managed to find peace and content in the way things are.

It a kind of attachment that grows with time.

I knew it and thus I have been wanting a change before I developed too strong feelings and couldn't bear to let go. It is this love-hate relationship that weakens my desire to change. Time and time again, I tried to let go but held back. I knew that things are not going to get better yet I am convinced by that glimmer of hope that perhaps things will get better.

Now that it dawned on me that the worse might be here, I am forced to confront the almost reality. It's time to go. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving, the thought of letting go of things I am so used to doing, things that gives me satisfaction, things that makes me smile, things that I am so driven to accomplish and do well. And also the place, the environment and the people I met... and the time I spent here, working every minute to make things work out perfectly. Is this really the end of it all? A journey that must end this soon... a journey that left so many footprints that I will keep for the rest of my life.

It is so unreal...