to want

something tagged along from x'mas last year and haven't left me since.

my eyes sparkled. thoughts ran through for merely a second. it's deal.

each time I spent lesser time thinking and deciding that makes shopping a disaster.

yes I caught the virus that everyone has been warning me about since young. it's freaky.

it's freaky not only cos I ended up with buys that I couldn't convince myself to wear or use, and realising i'm splurging unnecessarily... the worst, I'm losing the sense of liking something very much and wanting it. it's not that I'm without desires but settling for something less than desired is becoming a norm.

as a child, I used to be that little girl throwing tantrums and pestering my mum to get me my favourite toys and books... can cry and grumble for days. then as I grew up, I learned to save up for something I really like... and everything works on a reward system. we know to get something we want, we have to work for it. later on, we got a little carried away and spent as we saw something we liked. now, i'm not even sure if I really like what I bought.

is it impulse? is it a shopaholic syndrome? or that I'm slowly forgetting what is it like to want and to crave for something.

to like, to fall in love with, to be crazy over, to be infatuated with, to be thinking about everyday...