Gone

the sudden realisation of death. the word stares right in my face. as I was putting myself to sleep, I thought what if I should never wake up... like all those reports in the news. what if I should just go like that? without any warning.

I thought of how people around me would react.

I may plan alot, think alot, but what if I never get the chance to live it all. I'm fearful like everyone did. for its invisibility.

sounds like an exaggeration after a recent experience but you never know when that moment will be.

feeling so lethargic for the past few days.

that instant came, it was abrupt... orange pixels invading my vision, slowing filling up my field of vision. the surroundings seem to be deafened by a sense of unpeace. not really unpeace, I could very well give in and feel peaceful. I felt a force asking me to close my eyes and succumb to what will happen. my physical cell seems too weak to resist. unconsciousness sinking in. will I wake up again? in my mind, I cried out my will to carry on... I have to stay awake!

I wonder what will happen if I didn't pull myself up from that tunnel to the unknown.


"Everybody knows they are going to die," he said again, "but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently."

So we kid ourselves about death, I said.

"Yes. But there's a better approach. To know you're going to die, and to be prepared for it at any time. That's better. That way you can actually be more involved in your life while you're living."

(Tuesdays with Morrie)