What-ifs
I have often pondered... my life is very much revolved around the world of what-ifs. It is often so that landed me into a self-dilemma that I couldn't pick myself up from, as if trapped in an abyss. As much as I hate to admit that this is a huge flaw of mine, I couldn't give up thinking about possibilities of what I can do different. Often driving myself into a puzzle. I screwed my brain. And how often I knew people around me are frustrated with my insistence, but to me, it is persistence.
Yet I lost some of the courage I used to possess, may be not lost, but somehow it faded away and I couldn't find it back. Sometimes how I hate myself for becoming someone I don't know, someone I don't want to become... losing my faith and courage. I had an identity crisis like some people did. Suddenly so lost and detached from who we really are. I used to think that is cos of a change in environment, forcing me to adapt and I did badly, for I lost myself in midst of the change. I looked back at in my younger years in marvel. I admired how I used to be... so straightforward and may be more happy too. The one I am today lost the nasty temper I used to have, whom my friends ten years ago would agree too. I do not detest this change but it seems to have taken much more... the more emotional and sensitive me. for the one you know today, is someone who has evolved over the years like everyone did, but I still believe that the original me is sleeping inside quietly, ready to awake one fine day.
Recently, my good friend asked me if she should follow her gut feeling, I told her, " yes, but..." And true enough, hesitations intruded my child-like mind over the years and made me more cautious, more wary.
Perhaps I have given too much thought to even the simplest decisions deemed by others. And because of my hesitations, I have seen some opportunities foregone. There need to be a sacrifice to everything in life; we take some, we lose some... this is a fact I found it hard to live with. And so I am still the idealist and perfectionist you knew in the past. I would try explore every possibility as though time would wait.
Now I couldn't.
My friend reminded me I can't have everything exactly my way. That is common sense but hey, people like me somehow don't always live well with common sense.
Recalling Tuesdays with Morrie (http://www.eclecticinspiration.com/quotes/tuesdaymorrie.html), the old professor had an optimistic view of a better tomorrow even though death was drawing near. I thought when people asked "How are you?" Do you reply, "life is good but could be better" or "life is good but can be better"?
I stayed by the latter as you always live with a positive possibility.
Yes... and because of holding on to this positive what-if ; over the years, I am able to ride on that every possibility of wild dream and imagination, and have done things I could never forget.
You can feel sorry for what you have done but do not regret for the things you never did.
Yet I lost some of the courage I used to possess, may be not lost, but somehow it faded away and I couldn't find it back. Sometimes how I hate myself for becoming someone I don't know, someone I don't want to become... losing my faith and courage. I had an identity crisis like some people did. Suddenly so lost and detached from who we really are. I used to think that is cos of a change in environment, forcing me to adapt and I did badly, for I lost myself in midst of the change. I looked back at in my younger years in marvel. I admired how I used to be... so straightforward and may be more happy too. The one I am today lost the nasty temper I used to have, whom my friends ten years ago would agree too. I do not detest this change but it seems to have taken much more... the more emotional and sensitive me. for the one you know today, is someone who has evolved over the years like everyone did, but I still believe that the original me is sleeping inside quietly, ready to awake one fine day.
Recently, my good friend asked me if she should follow her gut feeling, I told her, " yes, but..." And true enough, hesitations intruded my child-like mind over the years and made me more cautious, more wary.
Perhaps I have given too much thought to even the simplest decisions deemed by others. And because of my hesitations, I have seen some opportunities foregone. There need to be a sacrifice to everything in life; we take some, we lose some... this is a fact I found it hard to live with. And so I am still the idealist and perfectionist you knew in the past. I would try explore every possibility as though time would wait.
Now I couldn't.
My friend reminded me I can't have everything exactly my way. That is common sense but hey, people like me somehow don't always live well with common sense.
Recalling Tuesdays with Morrie (http://www.eclecticinspiration.com/quotes/tuesdaymorrie.html), the old professor had an optimistic view of a better tomorrow even though death was drawing near. I thought when people asked "How are you?" Do you reply, "life is good but could be better" or "life is good but can be better"?
I stayed by the latter as you always live with a positive possibility.
Yes... and because of holding on to this positive what-if ; over the years, I am able to ride on that every possibility of wild dream and imagination, and have done things I could never forget.
You can feel sorry for what you have done but do not regret for the things you never did.
posted by Jerylene at 12:49
1 Comments:
The problem with people is we always think of the what-ifs. If we had to be perturbed over the what-ifs, when can things be done? Perhaps we might start to think of more what-ifs. ( Gosh! That's bad. ) This might landed us inside a 'pitfall' and we will never come out of it. So why what-ifs??? Is it uncertainty? Unsure? Unconfidence? Whatever the reason, I feel it's inevitable. At least this has always been my problem. That's me. That's my life.
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