a smudge

For the past days, I was entangled in such inexplicable grief. A deep sense of loss. So hurt and badly cut inside.

Things are never going to be the same anymore.

Like a present given and taken back. The feeling will never be the same even if the gift is given back eventually. The feelings of joy and anticipation are now tainted with doubt, suspicion and uncertainty. It will never be the same again. Like an original beautifully painted landscape now spoilt by a smudge. No matter how much we try to re-patch the painting, it will still be a painting with a smudge. An imperfect one.

It's easy to lose something and recover it. But it's hard to lose a feeling and recover it.

Trying hard to fight back and hold back the fluid state of emotions... caught in the throat. It's hard to refuse their flow.