all but empty

A face of nonchalance masked the emotions within... emotions which are surging and growing by the moment till I could hide it no more. What could I have said or reacted? ... when an opportunity was presented and yet snatched away all in the same dream... without having time to wake up and consider the ugly truth of reality. like a dream and a nightmare all at the same time.

Heart sank. Disappointment. Dreams are falling. Hopes are fading ... and that line of trust, belief and faith of ideals, or that hard work does pay... all pale in colour. All that seem insignificant now.

It's not the final decision but I can't help but to first mourn over the negative possibility. Agitated. Upset. Streaks of pain inside me burst into my brain, ache. A state of minor delirium... it's not fair (to me). why do I feel a sense of denial and betrayal. but more so is the agony felt on the verge of losing something that was accepted wholeheartedly yet falsefully given. all that coming terms to commitment and change wasn't all that easy. but what was hardest of all is to realise all these are all but bubbles. empty promises.

Say no more that it's a time to fight. I knew I should. But aggressiveness is not part of my genes. Let me be human and sink into pillows of my meekly self. Say no more to embracing novelty and change... when these can be all but empty.